Sherri Cornelius

I find myself wanting to do bullets for every post. With easy separation of my different topics, I don't have to put too much thought into those pesky segues, or too much work into cohesion. The separation is the key; I'm not married to the bullets. When I saw how Darcknyt separated his topics by bold headers for several posts, I thought that might work better for me, too.

Then I thought I could just separate the topics into their own blog posts like a normal person, but since my blog is a snapshot of my mood at any given time, I find it nearly impossible to write posts for the future. So far I've used blogging as a way of impressing my personality onto the Internet, quite unintentionally. I don't see it as a place to showcase my stories or to write persuasive posts, and I don't treat the posts like magazine articles the way some do. That's probably why I don't draw a lot of readers.

I think I'll try separating my topics into new posts. I'm experimenting, right? So maybe you'll get three or four posts this week instead of the usual point-five.

Well, you know I was broken up about not going to my bonus daughter's graduation. I know now I made the right decision. Like all moms, I feel I should always support my children no matter what, but the fact is sometimes I can't be there. I have to be all right with that, and so do they. If I go on about how guilty I feel, they'll absorb that. If I make it to some of their things and their dad makes it to the others and that's just the way it is, they will still feel supported.

I don't think Zariah was as broken up as I was about me not being there. I sent along a gift only from me, a blank journal symbolizing her new stage in life, and I wrote her a letter to go with it. She's a woman now, officially. Graduated and 18 with a baby. Maybe I'll get used to it someday.

I think I want to blog in a different way, is my problem. I'm bored blabbing about myself, too lazy to really craft a story every few days, and really feeling limited by my expectations. Or rather, by trying to meet what I imagine to be others' expectations. For instance, I love playing with the look of the blog, trying on new templates and headers and such. But I've read it's best to pick one and stick with it, so I feel a little bit guilty whenever I change templates. Silly, I know.

How many times have I said I was going to start blogging MY way? Lots. I keep saying it, and I keep falling back into that same old rut. So I'm not going to say it anymore, and I'm just going to warn you.

Watch out! It's about to get crazy up in here!

Okay, maybe not crazy. But I do feel the need to experiment. I'd like to hit on something that can keep me interested and draw new regulars. Don't know what that'll be, but...

On a completely unrelated note, I've been having deja vu for a couple of days now. Lots of pings, such as while I was writing this post.

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Tomorrow is my fourth blogging anniversary. I used to care. I used to feel this need to spill, and this was the only place people listened. Maybe Facebook has replaced this blog as my daily connection to humanity so I just don't need it anymore. Maybe I'm too worried about seeming like a pro so I censor myself into boredom. Or maybe I'm just in a lull and need to appreciate this quiet time. I'm glad I'm not hooked on it anymore, even though I feel I owe it to the blog to continue.

At any rate, I want to thank all of you who are still around. Let's see, four years ago I had:

• two kids at home all day and one in school;


• no agent;


• literally no friends;


• only one book finished, and even then it wasn't ready for submission;


• an embarrassing level of immaturity;


• a feeling of insignificance, accompanied by almost constant anxiety;


• no idea how much I could grow as a human being.

I'm looking forward to the next four years of my life, whether I'm blogging then or not. Who knows where I'll be? Good things have started to happen, and I feel they will only continue. I wish you the same. Have a great weekend.

This week started off busy and I don't see it letting up till the kids are out of school, what with the end-of-year programs and concerts. Yesterday my friendly neighborhood electric man cut down a precarious limb, and I spent the day chopping it up.

And before that, on Sunday I gave in to pressure from my son to switch his room with his sister's. We have two bedrooms for the three kids, and for the past few years Jonah and Maggie Rose have been sharing because they were little enough that modesty wasn't a huge issue, and that way the toys are centrally located. Abby, being quite mature at 11, enjoyed her own space in the tiny 10' x 10' bedroom. Well now Jonah's 8 and Maggie's 6 and it's time to move the girls in together. Besides the modesty issue, I'm hoping this will cut down on the bickering, since each younger kid will have his/her own toy space, and doors between them.

Abby was sad to give up her privacy, but I think she's actually enjoying being in a room with her sister (for now). Jonah is a gregarious creature, and so he felt a little lonesome in his bed the first night. I promised both Abby and Jonah I'd paint one wall whatever color they choose. One chose Hulk green and the other chose purple. You can figure out which is which. ;)

Anyway, I'm tired.

Where to start, where to start?

Well first, I'm just coming out of a migraine so if you haven't seen me around in a few days, that's why. Darn sinusitis.

I quit drinking coffee for a while. Figured out that I can have one cup with no ill effect on my tummy, but my problem is stopping at one cup. I enjoy the ritual of the coffee, and also I feel like I owe it to the coffee to drink it. Weird, but that's how it is. I think a lot of us have that "clean your plate" mentality, which affects all my habits around food. A while ago I said I was going to do better with my food choices, and I have. I've only lost about five pounds, but I'm really working on the habit part rather than focusing on losing weight. Things like making sure there are healthy things in the kitchen, not being lazy about cooking, and thinking about portions rather than just shoveling it in till I can't anymore. Those are the things that will make me a healthy weight and keep me there. I can wait to hit that mark if I know it will last.

What else...

Oh yeah, I finished my book. Sent it to my first reader on Tuesday and had a migraine headache an hour later, whatever that means. Thinking of everything I've gone through during the course of this book is a bit overwhelming.

I didn't have the confidence to write this book when I started. It doesn't fit into a template, I see now.  I tried to make it fit a template and ended up spinning my wheels for a couple of years. For a long time my forebrain told me it was a mess, even though it made a lot of sense to me, and the characters spoke with their own voices. Only when I threw out the template did it come alive and drive me to the finish.

We'll see how the public receives it, but whatever happens I've written the book I wanted to write, and that's a pretty damn good feeling. Later in my career, I will say, "That's when I learned how to be a writer." Shoot, this whole BVA period has taught me how to live.