Archive for September 2010
It's mah burfday.
Go me! It's my 40th birthday today. My mom has always said, the day she turned 40 she woke up, looked in the mirror, and had wrinkles. No wrinkles on the last day of 39, then 40 came and BOOM she had wrinkles. Warned by this anecdote, I have not yet looked in the mirror.
I don't like those assessments anyway, where you compare your now self to a younger self. I don't know how much of my blubber, sag, wrinkles are from aging and how much is from a sedentary lifestyle. So tbbbbbt on that. I feel how I feel and yesterday is gone.
Am I the same person I was yesterday? Maybe. But 40 is such a big, symbolic number that I can't help feeling a little different. Like I take up a little more space today with my 40-ness.
I expect today to be mostly the same as always here in the hacienda. That's okay, because I don't like a fuss. I expect to get lots of hugs and kisses and maybe a neck rub, and those things will be just what I wanted. I expect to have a wonderful day.
I hope you have a wonderful day, too. :)
Possible hiatus in my future
You know what? I just love this theme. I've missed it. And why, you may ask, am I changing it again? Because I'm schizoid. And because that other one was just too hard to tweak, and I never did get it just right. And because this one fits my personality and mood better. And because I'm thinking of going on hiatus, so I want something less dynamic.
The hiatus thing... Well, you may have heard Moonrat is, sadly, closing her publishing blog. A lot of the reasons she gave for the closing sort of matched up with why I want to change direction here. I've run into the thing most bloggers do, and that's the repeating-myself thing. The blog as it is doesn't fit my needs or goals now. It got me thinking it would be a good thing to close this one down and start from scratch, but I'm too much of a coward. Then Sarah suggested a very long hiatus to give me some distance, and that sounded like just the right thing.
I'm not ready to do it today, because when I go I think I'll be dismantling the whole website. Not even sure why I decided I needed to post about it. I guess I'm just thinking out loud, the same reason I always post, really.
The hiatus thing... Well, you may have heard Moonrat is, sadly, closing her publishing blog. A lot of the reasons she gave for the closing sort of matched up with why I want to change direction here. I've run into the thing most bloggers do, and that's the repeating-myself thing. The blog as it is doesn't fit my needs or goals now. It got me thinking it would be a good thing to close this one down and start from scratch, but I'm too much of a coward. Then Sarah suggested a very long hiatus to give me some distance, and that sounded like just the right thing.
I'm not ready to do it today, because when I go I think I'll be dismantling the whole website. Not even sure why I decided I needed to post about it. I guess I'm just thinking out loud, the same reason I always post, really.
Blogging directions
Well, so I've been thinking about where to take the blog. It's no secret I've been less than excited about it lately, especially the personal stories which seemed so important in the first few years, but now...notsomuch. I've talked about everything personal already. I think I want to focus on publishing, but there's so much babble about it already.
But I have this feeling my perspective can fit into the babble somewhere. I just have to figure out what that perspective is. I've learned a lot about what it means to have an agent, to be on submission, to get critiques both good and bad, to give critiques good and bad. I've done a lot--and I mean a lot--of work on my internal process as a writer, and some of my insights on that could help someone. Briefly, I was on the other side, the editing side (and btw, the start-up e-pub isn't happening after all), and surely I could write something about that.
Do you know, the only thing that's dampened my enthusiasm for the blog is the worry about hurting the business side of my writing career. I worry endlessly about that, and it's hard to let the Muse of the Weblog off her leash to find a post for me when I'm afraid of sounding like a whiney-butt, or hurting someone's feelings, or giving away too much information about my professional relationships. I can't keep stifling myself like this. It seeps over into my real work.
I don't know, I'm just restless; thinking out loud. Is there anything about my writing experience so far that you'd like to know more about? The response here might help me decide where I need to go with the blog. The chirp of crickets would indicate I need to dump it entirely, but I can't seem to do that. Sorry to disappoint. :)
But I have this feeling my perspective can fit into the babble somewhere. I just have to figure out what that perspective is. I've learned a lot about what it means to have an agent, to be on submission, to get critiques both good and bad, to give critiques good and bad. I've done a lot--and I mean a lot--of work on my internal process as a writer, and some of my insights on that could help someone. Briefly, I was on the other side, the editing side (and btw, the start-up e-pub isn't happening after all), and surely I could write something about that.
Do you know, the only thing that's dampened my enthusiasm for the blog is the worry about hurting the business side of my writing career. I worry endlessly about that, and it's hard to let the Muse of the Weblog off her leash to find a post for me when I'm afraid of sounding like a whiney-butt, or hurting someone's feelings, or giving away too much information about my professional relationships. I can't keep stifling myself like this. It seeps over into my real work.
I don't know, I'm just restless; thinking out loud. Is there anything about my writing experience so far that you'd like to know more about? The response here might help me decide where I need to go with the blog. The chirp of crickets would indicate I need to dump it entirely, but I can't seem to do that. Sorry to disappoint. :)
It's hard to feel safe
A couple of months ago, a couple from my town, Tecumseh, OK, was murdered in Arizona by some escaped convicts. One convict was captured fairly quickly, but the other one and his girlfriend/cousin were on the lam for a little while. They made it to Meteetsee, WY, where they were captured. This is weird for me, because my Internet friend Yellowcat lives there. They could have chosen anywhere in the world to go, but they were captured in the actual town where a person on my blogroll lives. Now that's what I call a coincidence. It's not like I have hundreds of readers, and only one of them lives in Wyoming. Think of all the things that had to happen to connect me to a random Internet friend in such a way. Weird and sad.
Another violent event which touched me, of course, was the subject of my previous post. The two men who locked down my entire town for most of a day blame their crime spree on drugs. One is remorseful, and I feel sorry for him; I hope he gets treatment. The other is acting like a shit, so I hope he gets a beating sees the error of his ways someday.
Well now there's been a torture/rape/murder involving people from my hometown of Prague, OK. The guy they arrested was a year behind me in school; his sister, also arrested, was in my brother's class; the man they found dead is the same age as my step-daughter, but I don't recognize the name so I don't know if he went to school with her; and they haven't released the female victim's name yet, I guess because she survived and they're protecting her.
And these are just the things with a direct connection to me. Other crazy things have happened in my area that just a couple of years ago would have seemed impossible. Things like these don't happen in my world. It's going to take some getting used to, this feeling I have a target on my back.
Didn't mean for this to be a bummer, sorry!
Another violent event which touched me, of course, was the subject of my previous post. The two men who locked down my entire town for most of a day blame their crime spree on drugs. One is remorseful, and I feel sorry for him; I hope he gets treatment. The other is acting like a shit, so I hope he gets a beating sees the error of his ways someday.
Well now there's been a torture/rape/murder involving people from my hometown of Prague, OK. The guy they arrested was a year behind me in school; his sister, also arrested, was in my brother's class; the man they found dead is the same age as my step-daughter, but I don't recognize the name so I don't know if he went to school with her; and they haven't released the female victim's name yet, I guess because she survived and they're protecting her.
And these are just the things with a direct connection to me. Other crazy things have happened in my area that just a couple of years ago would have seemed impossible. Things like these don't happen in my world. It's going to take some getting used to, this feeling I have a target on my back.
Didn't mean for this to be a bummer, sorry!
One crazy day
I'd like to kick a couple of guys' asses, and there's probably about 5,000 other people who would help me. Yesterday two crazy druggies left a swath of destruction--okay, maybe that's a little strong; how about a swath of inconvenience?--through Oklahoma, with my town at the epicenter. Here's a link to the news story. For some reason it won't embed:
category.asp?C=116601&autoStart=true&topVideoCatNo=default&clipId=5092603&flvUri=&partnerclipid=
The drone of the circling search plane is still stuck in my head. I had a road block right outside my window for about four hours:
The kids' schools were all on lockdown, which meant the buses wouldn't run. I picked up Maggie with no problem, but at Abby's there was a total clusterfuck, and I don't use that word lightly. I ended up waiting for almost an hour, watching other people leave with their children. Some did, anyway; the rest of us stood in the 99% humidity and wondered.
Meanwhile, my son was still at school on the other side of town, and my husband was still on his way home from work. Thank God for cell phones. Finally, they caught the stupid fugitive (lemme at 'im!) and the decision was made to let the buses run. I found Abby in the school hall and took the girls home where the hubs had just arrived. He said when he passed Jonah's school there was a 2-block line of cars waiting to pick up their children--the van can't idle so he had to wait for the car--so rather than drive, I walked the mile to the school just to make sure the buses had made it there as well. It only took a few minutes to get there, but the place was almost deserted. I felt much better, because I knew Jonah had been put on the bus. And indeed, once I arrived home he was there waiting.
My irrational mother hormone wanted to keep the kids home today. I still have a headache.
The whole thing drove home what will happen if there is ever a real disaster. My three children, each at a different school (with apparently different tactics to handle lockdown), and a couple-thousand parents trying to retrieve their children all at once...It's anxiety-inducing. I hope the school leaders have learned something that will make the process easier in the future.
Stupid druggies.
category.asp?C=116601&autoStart=true&topVideoCatNo=default&clipId=5092603&flvUri=&partnerclipid=
The drone of the circling search plane is still stuck in my head. I had a road block right outside my window for about four hours:
The kids' schools were all on lockdown, which meant the buses wouldn't run. I picked up Maggie with no problem, but at Abby's there was a total clusterfuck, and I don't use that word lightly. I ended up waiting for almost an hour, watching other people leave with their children. Some did, anyway; the rest of us stood in the 99% humidity and wondered.
Meanwhile, my son was still at school on the other side of town, and my husband was still on his way home from work. Thank God for cell phones. Finally, they caught the stupid fugitive (lemme at 'im!) and the decision was made to let the buses run. I found Abby in the school hall and took the girls home where the hubs had just arrived. He said when he passed Jonah's school there was a 2-block line of cars waiting to pick up their children--the van can't idle so he had to wait for the car--so rather than drive, I walked the mile to the school just to make sure the buses had made it there as well. It only took a few minutes to get there, but the place was almost deserted. I felt much better, because I knew Jonah had been put on the bus. And indeed, once I arrived home he was there waiting.
My irrational mother hormone wanted to keep the kids home today. I still have a headache.
The whole thing drove home what will happen if there is ever a real disaster. My three children, each at a different school (with apparently different tactics to handle lockdown), and a couple-thousand parents trying to retrieve their children all at once...It's anxiety-inducing. I hope the school leaders have learned something that will make the process easier in the future.
Stupid druggies.
Turning 40
I guess you might have noticed that little birthday counter in my sidebar. I'm REALLY EXCITED (and a little scared) about turning 40 later this month. It's almost like my whole life I've been waiting for this age, but I didn't know it. 40 is mature. Strong. Self-confident. By the time a woman hits 40, she knows what matters and is ready to do something about it. The mid-life awakening (crisis) is nigh, if not already begun, and I welcome the changes that will accompany it.
What is your view of 40, whether or not you've made it there yet?
What is your view of 40, whether or not you've made it there yet?
