Sherri Cornelius

I’ve been on fire lately. Very motivated and confident and self-sufficient. It’s a weird feeling, and I realize that in the past when I felt this way it was so uncomfortable for that that I’d squash it in some way. I’m trying not to do that this time, and maybe it’s working. I feel capable of moving on from things that have stagnated.

So I finally got the book edited and sent off. A few weeks ago I had compiled a list of a few small publishers, but after the edit was done and I began to write my query letter, I realized there was only one I felt comfortable submitting to. First I eliminated any that had a book too similar to mine, and then my main criteria was professional-looking covers and website. I know you’re not supposed to judge a book by its cover, but people do. I do. If I see an amateurish cover, I might assume the book inside has been amateurishly written and edited. It’s about quality standards. And no, it’s not foolproof, but if the only publisher I can snag is one who can’t make my book look professional, well then I can do that myself.

Anyway, the single publisher I chose to submit BVA to is Carina Press, the digital-first arm of Harlequin. They accept non-romance genres, and since they publish digitally, they’re not so sticky about word count—at 72k words, BVA is a little shorter than expected in the fantasy genre. It’ll take a couple of months to hear back from them, and once they reject it (*snort* pessimism, anyone?) I’ll publish on Smashwords, I guess.

I must say that if I do self-pub it, it will be only for my peace of mind. With “Mon Petit Ami,” I got the most wonderful feeling of closure on a piece that I’d anguished over for years. It was done a long time ago, but I seemed to get stuck on it, unable to put it down for good. I’ve got over a hundred downloads on it, which is pretty cool, even though I sold only one copy to a friend. But the point is, it feels done now that it has an ISBN. And hopefully this will also work for Ea’s Gift and Black Veil Angel, if it comes down to that.

Apparently the only thing keeping me from blogging is Facebook. I suspected as much. I’ve had spotty Internet since dinnertime yesterday, and since it is an area-wide problem, all I can do is wait. I’ve been doing maintenance on my computer instead, cleaning out email and such.

So this Facebook thing is something I’ve struggled with for a while. FB is almost meaningless if you don’t keep up with it every day. If people know you’re on there but you don’t respond to their very important news (not being sarcastic, lots of people announce things this way), they forget about you, or worse, assume you’ve hidden them when you simply missed their post. And so I’ve been trying to stay active on there, because that’s where everyone is.

The result of this is feeling like I’ve already said all I have to say, leaving nothing for the blog. This is not a bad thing in itself, but when so much so much of my life is online—banking, journaling, socializing, job search—all there is left to do when I’m forced to be offline is to clean house, bake, and write. I could have showered at 7:30, but my body doesn’t want to be wet till nine o’clock. I could have made myself breakfast, but I’m never hungry till ten. So my morning schedule is all messed up, and I find myself blogg—

…

Dammit! I was connected for about two minutes, but it’s gone now.

I grow bored with this. I still have a half hour before my bod will want a shower, so maybe I’ll do a little editing. And maybe this will publish, and maybe it won’t.

Still looking for a job, but I think I might be sabotaging myself just a little bit. The days have been flying by, and I’ve gotten distracted.

For instance, suddenly it’s very important to get this book edited and submitted, when years have gone by with little thought to it. And it’s going quite well, I must say. This might not be what you want to hear, and you might not believe me, but…I’ve had a job and written, and I’ve had no job and written, and it’s easier with a job. Obviously your time will be limited, but that seems to be an important element for me. Once I had all the time in the world writing became less of a priority. And it was a lot of pressure, because it was the MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD. In fact, it was the only other thing I had to do besides housework and kid stuff. I think that’s probably why it’s suddenly easier to get back into it, because I’m busier now. I don’t have so much time to think about how important it is, or to feel guilty for not doing it.

The housework has also become important. The holidays are coming up, you know.

And so has Mad Men. Again. I’ve seen every episode at least twice, and most of them three times. It depresses me, though, the darkness of it. Even the happy people in that show are unhappy. But I love it anyway.

But I guess I do need to make the job hunt important again. It just seems like there’s nothing for me. Maybe I should make my own job. Queen. I’ll be Queen of America. Somebody pay me.