The kids and husband are firmly back in the outside world, post-holidays, and I am still ensconced at home, relieved to have my quiet days back, but missing the family at the same time.
I’m learning just how hard it is to pick up a long-abandoned manuscript and care about it again. The synopsis I was supposed to do for the middle grade reader? Well it just isn’t coming along like I’d hoped, which is to say, at all. It’s about halfway done, and I think it’s a viable story and the writing isn’t bad at all, but I always feel faintly embarrassed reading my own writing, whether it’s good or not. Knowing I’ll have to read the book again to write the synopsis has caused me to put it off.
Plus, there’s a lot of pressure in being a hausfrau. And before you working women get all up in my face, let me say I’ve done that, too. I’ve worked all day long, picked up the kids from daycare, fixed dinner, and been so busy with kids and so tired from work that I didn’t lift a finger all week on the house, doing the bulk of the cleaning in a Saturday marathon, with little to no help. That was my life.
Here’s the difference: If I walked into the house above, I’d think, man, this lady is busy. If I walked into my house today, I’d think, man, this lady is lazy.
After all, a housewife with no kids during the day should have no problem keeping the house spotless and the kitchen stocked; a writer with all day to write should have no problem pounding out the pages; a handywoman with tools and time should have no problem fixing the leaky pipe in the wall/rotted siding/holes in the porch room walls; a woman with hours to care only for herself should have no problem exercising and exfoliating.
And each one of those on its own would be true. I feel like if I could focus on one thing I could do it really well. I’d be the best at *insert activity*. But that’s the track my mind goes through, and so though I still hit the high spots, I never feel I’ve done enough. I have so much time, you know? “I really should write today, but it can wait till the kids have something to wear. And what’s that? The toilet’s running again? Damn it, I fixed that already! I guess I could shower first, but I’ve already started this blog post…”
And so now I have one more thing to do, and that is to list my priorities. I’ll do it right after I load the dishwasher.
Sounds very familiar.
ReplyDeleteHopefully when I get my thyroid hormone adjusted I can focus better. We'll see.
ReplyDeleteI've had my dose adjusted up and down over the years, based on things like pregnancies and changing medical conditions. Good to get it regularly checked.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, what is UP with that? I feel like I can't get my act together at ALL! But, I do still have the kids here with homeschool, and they try to help a lot, but still, I'm feeling kind of discombobulated this week for some reason.
ReplyDeleteNext week, next week, next week, I'll be back on my game and in the groove, are you with me?
Sure! Yeah! I'm with you! (Do I sound like I'm trying to convince myself? :)
ReplyDeleteIt's my observation that for most of us, when we have all the time we could ask for, we fritter it away. I know it's far easier for me because "I'll get to it later" is plausible. Always.
ReplyDeleteBut a deadline, that's something that forces you to sit up and take notice.
Perhaps establishing a routine of chores you must do, and then locking yourself into your office with a timed lock on the door would help? Actually, for me, I have to go to a coffee shop or library and write if I want to ensure I have nothing else that gets in my way...like Facebook!
That's it exactly, I need a deadline. Only problem is I'm so foggy brained lately I can't really do it for myself. That's why laundry and dishes always seem to get first priority, because others are depending on me to get them done. Nobody cares if I start a new book or finish that synopsis. Now if I could just get a publisher to give me a deadline...
ReplyDelete