Posted by : Sherri Cornelius Monday, April 25, 2011

I’ve come here to post so many times over the past couple of weeks, but I always go blank and give up.

My mental state hasn’t been the best, so maybe it’s best I keep quiet during those times. It’s not just that I let my agent go, but a lot of other stuff that I don’t feel comfortable talking about publicly. And it’s getting harder to separate the happy from the sad. Most of it has to do with identifying my needs and balancing them against duty, and separating perceived needs/duty from actual needs/duty. Tough for a person who can endure almost anything, no matter the toll on her own health and well-being, in the name of duty to others.

The number I was so happy to see at my last birthday has become a stone around my neck. Forty years old, and I’m dealing with the same issues I had at 30. I feel broken and used up. Trapped. Ungrateful.

But I’m starting to feel better. Depression still dogs me, and probably will until this handful of chronic issues is solved, but meanwhile I‘m looking for purpose. I’m thinking seriously about web design, which I can do almost exclusively from home, so I started the free online classes at I’m already comfortable with HTML, so I’m starting with CSS. I don’t know if it’ll stick, but it feels good to learn. Don’t be surprised if I totally eff up this site with my experimentation. :)

I think I might be around more in the coming weeks.

{ 7 comments... read them below or Comment }

  1. Yes! I need a web designer for when I finish this damn novel and start to send it out. What a great idea, and I've always liked your own website choices. Forty is not so old girl- In fact, the forties were my favorite decade so far. I'm glad you've found something to focus on that feels hopeful and fun.

  2. Me too. It's a small relief. I still don't mind being 40, but the number reminds me that I've been dealing with a certain problem for way too long, and I still have no idea what to do about it.

    As for web design, choosing blog themes that other people have made is easy--not sure I'll be able to pull one off myself. :) But I'll be glad to lend my services if I get good enough.

  3. Best wishes for you finding your path Sherri. I sympathize greatly with your plight, although mine is very different in some respects, in others it is very similar. BTW have you read Covey yet?

  4. Well, no "lending" involved- I fully expect and will happily pay, for your creative services. Maybe you can specialize in websites for writers and other creatives. For instance, my son is graduating in June and will need a website to showcase his acting stuff. I googled "websites for young actors" and it's a pretty scarce resource- it made me wonder why there aren't better resources. Anyway, have faith!

  5. @Neal-I read it straight through once, but I'd like to go back and work on it a habit at a time. I wish I could get my husband to read it so we could work on it together, but I doubt he would appreciate it anyway.

    @Sarah-You're right with me. I thought about doing websites for creatives, especially after having a writer's website and having such trouble finding just the right combination of features and looks. Maybe this is the way You Are the Muse will manifest in my life after all.

  6. I think web designing sounds like fun. I've thought of doing it myself, but I'm not artistic enough.

    Sometimes caving is just a necessary part of life. :)

  7. @Fal-I worry about translating my artistic tendencies into digital form. I'll never know if I don't try, though.


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