Showing posts with label gifts. Show all posts
Ask and ye shall receive, or something like that.
Three years ago I made a list of things I wanted, things I felt would make me a more fulfilled, whole person. I’m amazed at the number of things on this list that I actually did receive.
That’s 12 out of 16! And while at the beginning, three years seems like forever, it’s really not long in the scheme of things. So maybe I need to make another list. It’ll be a lot shorter now that I’ve received so many of the things I needed. And you know what? There’s still time to receive the other things on my list.
Those things did enrich my life. They helped me feel more independent, more relevant, more connected—and most importantly they brought joy to me when I needed it.
Have you received anything you’ve asked for lately?
- Brand-new car—My Saturn’s not brand new, but a perfectly wonderful substitute
- Brand-new house—I no longer feel desperate for this like I used to.
- Happy relationship—we’ve always had a rocky relationship, and I’m not seeing that change anytime soon.
- Nicer clothes—Somewhat, because I’m working at it
- off foodstamps—it was scary, but we are now government assistance-free
- good health—The health problems I had then are still with me, but I’m learning to manage them. Also, I’m working on solutions now.
- book published—grumble grumble
- BVA finished—Done!
- new recliner—Got one for my husband, and a futon for me.
- home repairs--That’s happening next week.
- bicycle—Got this before I had a car to take Maggie Rose to school
tighter skin—probably wishful thinking, at my age. :)- new laptop, lightweight, fast, pretty. Plenty of memory, comfy keyboard. Strong but light. GREAT BATTERY! –Got this one for Christmas last year
- cell phone—It’s been a life saver
- I want to feel free to be myself.—Might never stop working on this one, but I feel more myself than ever
- iPod—We have 3! Hand-me-downs from my mom, but perfectly usable.
That’s 12 out of 16! And while at the beginning, three years seems like forever, it’s really not long in the scheme of things. So maybe I need to make another list. It’ll be a lot shorter now that I’ve received so many of the things I needed. And you know what? There’s still time to receive the other things on my list.
Those things did enrich my life. They helped me feel more independent, more relevant, more connected—and most importantly they brought joy to me when I needed it.
Have you received anything you’ve asked for lately?
A Gift
I'd just gotten in from grocery shopping (that's why I look so good), and guess what I found on my doorstep! This is the package I've been waiting for: the book that Marta made for me. It's a gift which combines all my loves--art, fiction, and hand-crafted...ness. The book is The Labyrinth House, one I gave a critique a few months (a year?) back, so it has sentimental value, not to mention I've been wanting to get my hands on some of Marta's art, and now I have it. Here's a link to her art page, Words Are Art. Go browse...buy something. One of these days it will be worth ten times what you paid, mark my words.
My 10-year-old daughter loves to look at Marta's pictures, so she is thrilled with the book, even though the story is too old for her. I need to put it under glass so she won't smudge it with all her touching. I'll do that after I read it again.
Looking at my gift, I see inspiration, anticipation, friendship, and beauty. It touches me so deeply that I'm not sure I can even see all the ways it touches me.
I'll stop gushing now. I just wanted you to see it.
Hitting the reset button
Been thinking a lot about Christmas and what it means to me. I've known for a while that most of the Christmas activities I partake in every year are solely for other people, not for me. I've never really given myself permission to have a Christmas I enjoy. I'm not even sure what kind of Christmas that would be.
Well, this year, with the emergence of the fragrance sensitivity, the normal activities will necessarily change. Going to my mom's will be an exercise in torture--purely in the physical sense, of course--if I know why I'm feeling like crap but can't get away from it. In years past I just felt like crap and stayed because I didn't know why.
Besides the fragrance, there is the exchange of gifts, a huge stressor for me. I almost feel like I have PTSD about the gifts. Every single year I feel this tremendous pressure to spend money I don't have in order to follow rules of giving which are not ingrained in me. I dread getting gifts, and I dread giving them, because then I might get some in return. Not to mention that I never feel my gifts are good enough.
Then there is the guilt. Guilt about not having the money; guilt about feeling sick at family gatherings that are supposed to be a happy time; guilt about all the family events I have missed over the year; guilt about celebrating a holiday that is named for a religion I do not follow. Lots of guilt for lots of nebulous other reasons.
I have decided to hit the reset button. This year I will not be attending any family events. I will buy gifts only for my children, and I asked my extended family to forgo any gifts for me. I would love for my extended family to come and hang out at my house with me, if they feel like indulging my need for scentlessness. My husband has surprised the hell out of me by volunteering to do the Christmas shopping, so that's one more pattern I've released.
I realized something in all this reset button-hitting. My ideal Christmas is quiet. Reverent. Small. I guess my idea of Christmas is sort of opposite of the rest of the world's, in that I feel it's more of a solitary thing. It's more about the God-given gifts, and I see how that could extend to family and friends and wanting to do something for them, but I want the desire to give gifts to grow naturally from the spirit, and it hasn't up to now. I have to find that spirit again, if ever I had it in the first place. I've been too distracted, too sick, too guilty at this time of year. I'm changing that now. Reset.
Well, this year, with the emergence of the fragrance sensitivity, the normal activities will necessarily change. Going to my mom's will be an exercise in torture--purely in the physical sense, of course--if I know why I'm feeling like crap but can't get away from it. In years past I just felt like crap and stayed because I didn't know why.
Besides the fragrance, there is the exchange of gifts, a huge stressor for me. I almost feel like I have PTSD about the gifts. Every single year I feel this tremendous pressure to spend money I don't have in order to follow rules of giving which are not ingrained in me. I dread getting gifts, and I dread giving them, because then I might get some in return. Not to mention that I never feel my gifts are good enough.
Then there is the guilt. Guilt about not having the money; guilt about feeling sick at family gatherings that are supposed to be a happy time; guilt about all the family events I have missed over the year; guilt about celebrating a holiday that is named for a religion I do not follow. Lots of guilt for lots of nebulous other reasons.
I have decided to hit the reset button. This year I will not be attending any family events. I will buy gifts only for my children, and I asked my extended family to forgo any gifts for me. I would love for my extended family to come and hang out at my house with me, if they feel like indulging my need for scentlessness. My husband has surprised the hell out of me by volunteering to do the Christmas shopping, so that's one more pattern I've released.
I realized something in all this reset button-hitting. My ideal Christmas is quiet. Reverent. Small. I guess my idea of Christmas is sort of opposite of the rest of the world's, in that I feel it's more of a solitary thing. It's more about the God-given gifts, and I see how that could extend to family and friends and wanting to do something for them, but I want the desire to give gifts to grow naturally from the spirit, and it hasn't up to now. I have to find that spirit again, if ever I had it in the first place. I've been too distracted, too sick, too guilty at this time of year. I'm changing that now. Reset.
