I had a great writing day yesterday. I wrote for 3 whole hours while Richard stayed downstairs with the 2 little kids, and the two bigger kids went shopping. I probably won't get that kind of time today, because today the Dallas Cowboys play the last regular season game. If they win, they clinch the second wild card spot.
I'm surprised to find I resent the time I won't be writing. I'm finding myself finding ways around it, like venturing out into the early morning cold to my office, making the children fend for themselves in the food department, or *gasp* skipping the game.
A good writing day can make the whole year seem better. For most of 2008 writing equated to pulling my own teeth out of my head with pliers. Actually, 2008 felt that way in most areas. I had to work hard to keep my enthusiasm, my sanity. When those things are hard to come by you start to wonder if you're fooling yourself. If maybe the sluggishness and self-doubt and confusion are the real feelings, and any attempt to counter-act them is just paint on a rotten fence.
So I guess I've spent the year rebuilding that fence, one picket at a time. Boy, does it hurt to pull off those rotten planks. Sometimes they don't look rotten, because of all those layers of paint. Sometimes I think, "Well I can't pull off that one, or the whole thing will fall apart." But the rot is spreading, so I pull it off and guess what: the fence doesn't fall apart. Instead, I have a nice clean space to put a new picket.
One of those pickets represents a fresh perspective on writing. Another is self-confidence, and isn't that a surprise. Another is a renewal of my marriage, and self-worth, and family.
I didn't realize how stressful this year was until the stress relaxed a little. I feel big changes coming next year, but I won't speculate on the nature of the changes. I'll just keep pulling off the rotten pickets so I'll have a place to nail those new ones when they're finally delivered.
It's always a little embarrassing reading old posts. They just reveal me as such a damn dork, and I don't see it till a year has past, and by then it's too late to yank 'em down. So since it's too late and everybody already knows I'm a dork, here are 2007 and 2006. Be kind.
Happy New Year, everybody.