I know it's Friday and nobody and not their dog will read this post, but I have some rambling to get out, and it must be done.
So I have this book I'm writing. We'll call it BVA. I love this book. From the very first day I've thought this book will be my "break-out" book. Now before you get all excited, this isn't about BVA breaking out, I just want to convey how cool I think this book will be when it's finished.
I wrote another book a while back, EG. Completely different look and feel than BVA. EG is sensual whereas BVA is bleak. EG's setting is medieval while BVA's is contemporary. The main character of EG is all girl, and BVA's is a tough cookie. Looking back, EG was delivered with relative ease. I am still in labor with BVA.
I haven't thought about the EG world in about a year, maybe longer. It's with the agent making the rounds, and though I had planned at least two more volumes, there's no point in writing a sequel when the first one hasn't sold yet. So instead I've been working on BVA. Or rather, pummeling on it.
Yesterday I decided to take a break from BVA. Agent has the submission package so it would be the perfect time, when one month will make absolutely no difference. The point I'm at now, I don't think I'll get anything significant done in the next month anyway. And plus, I need a break, darn it!
So today during my writing time I pulled out the dusty stacks of notebooks and loose paper which represent every idea I've ever had, and started through it. The first thing I came across was the notes for CT, sequel to EG. I read. I got lost in it.
I remembered CT being very rough, and it was but it didn't matter. I found myself with a pencil in my hand, making notes in the margin, but I didn't remember grabbing the pencil or deciding to make the notes. Surprised the hell out of me. That is some good shit. And it just goes to show that I HAVE NO IDEA OF THE QUALITY OF MY OWN WORK AND NEVER HAVE. I'm not saying that in a self-aggrandizing way, I'm saying sometimes I think what I wrote sucks, sometimes I think it's good...and it always turns out to be about the same quality. It's freaking crazy. I absolutely have to start trusting myself.
And yet I can't apply that trust to BVA because I'm too close to it. I know where my blind spot it, and BVA is smack in the middle of it. I used to love the plot but have no idea how to execute it. Now I know how to execute it, but the energy is not there. I'm numb. I need to write something that excites me, but it's not the right time for CT. I need some ideas. Maybe now that I'm not constantly thinking about the physics of the Black Veil I can catch a new minnow with my net.
I'm done rambling, I guess. Any questions?