I've spent the past six months or so hitting the ol' reset button. (Search on "reset" to find related posts.) It's a sticky little sucker, and I have to hit it several times before it takes. This is my year of renewal, my year for re-evaluating my priorities, my year for growing a backbone and becoming my own woman.
I've been trying new things, like editing, and letting go of things which don't serve me, like an unhealthy preoccupation with what other people want of me (still working on this one, but it's getting easier). I'm tired of fighting. There's such an attitude of "go get what you want, no matter what! Don't let anything get in your way! You can do it if you never give up!" in this world that I wondered why it wasn't working for me. I'm a really tenacious person, taking those sentiments to heart. I've spent the first half of my life wondering why I couldn't make things happen like Trump or Oprah. So I decided since taking the path of most resistance wasn't working, I'd try to take the maligned path of least resistance.
Well now I forgot where I was going with this.
I think I was going to talk about my writing attitudes. Before, I always wrote to please someone else. I listened to other people's advice, and as you know, there is a lot of it on the Internet, consumed and regurgitated over and over without thought. Tried to please everyone, you know? And half--no, most of the time I had to guess at what people wanted--readers, agent, potential editors, critters, family. Each of them seemed to want a different thing, and it was impossible to please everybody. Froze me up. Too much resistance.
Well, I've had almost two months of forced time off. When I first broke my finger, it didn't seem real that I wouldn't be able to truly write until it healed. I couldn't wrap my head around it. I was really angry at first, had major withdrawals, not only from the book itself but also from the idea of writing. God, that was hard.
Now I see I should have done this a long time ago, but I was too busy trying not to let anyone down, including my dream. I wish I hadn't forced Fate to break my finger and my laptop in order to get me to reset this aspect of my life. But now I feel cleaner, like I might actually enjoy writing when I get the chance to start up again, and it makes my eyes well up to feel that love again.
Anyway, that's my ramble. Have a good weekend.
P.S. Got tired of scrapers stealing my content, so I'm syndicating only an excerpt till I see if it helps. Sorry for the inconvenience.