I drank coffee until well into this afternoon, and now I'm paying for it. It's almost 1:00 a.m., probably will be by the time I publish this. When I get in this mode, lying in bed is just like lying in a bowl of swirling paint, all the thoughts taking over, but not in a pleasant dream-like way, more like someone has taken a stick and started stirring up my brains, around and around. I go over the same unlikely scenarios again and again, and usually they are bad ones...I have whole arguments with people in my head, and then I'm mad at those people but they haven't done anything wrong. It's silly.
I'm getting quite good at telling when I'm having normal, pre-sleep thought wanderings, and when they are the steamroller variety, so I don't lie for long. I've been up a couple of hours by myself, watching the gerbil on her wheel, writing stories, and playing computer games till I work out whatever has me agitated. I wish I could talk it out, then maybe I could get to the bottom of it.
Actually, I've been a bit agitated all day, because of a very real and poignant dream, in which I lived with one of my children on a tiny island, a utopia of sorts, and my only means of communication, apparently, was messages in bottles thrown out to sea. My "husband" had left me, and I thought, Well I guess I don't have to live on this island anymore. I sang "The Way We Were" while scrubbing the dishwasher in the front yard... woke up halfway through the first verse.
So anyway, this evening, while I waited to get sleepy, I started a story I've been thinking about for quite a while--seems like things have to ferment with me--and I wrote another as an impromptu exercise, but it turned out...interesting. It's not a story so much as a one-sided conversation about a story. But the good part is that the story I was talking about sounded pretty good, so maybe I'll put that in the idea still and let it ferment a while.
I guess I'm sleepy now...or maybe I'll play a little more Dynomite...