Posted by : Sherri Cornelius Tuesday, December 1, 2009

I feel like blogging, but I don't have any epiphanies to share. Is that okay? Can I just ramble? (Right now you're asking the computer screen, "How is that any different from any other day?")

I've been writing regularly this week, now that I'm done with the hard part of the novel I was editing. Funny how I go entire weeks ignoring that urge to write, and then when I actually don't have the time, I can't stand it! I must scratch this itch!

This time around, it seems easier to get a thousand words than it used to be. I may actually be able to make my goal of getting this draft done by Christmas. I cain't hardly believe it. (Yes, I'm thinking in my hick accent today.) I love where this book is taking me. I look over the past year and can't believe all the ups and downs I've had with my writing--some physical, some mental. Okay, most mental.

But really, I've said this every year, haven't I? Two-thousand-blank was a truly crappy year, I say, and next year will be great. Honestly, I've had some major setbacks this year, but I think things are getting easier. I've never looked forward to Christmas as an adult, but here I am, buying gifts on credit and not worrying about it at all.  Tired of whining, tired of tripping over hurdles.

It's so easy to think of my circumstances at any given moment as a static state of being, and that's simply not true. I've been sorting out the jumble of thoughts and beliefs and desires in my head, figuring out which ones belong there and which came from someone else. I feel like this is something I've said many times since starting this blog, have I? Well, it's a long process. It's not one a-ha moment, it's a series of them.

My brother and I think of life's lessons as a spiral. You start on the outer edge, and travel around toward the center. Now imagine a straight line crossing, connecting the beginning point with the inner, end point. At each intersection, there's a bump. That bump is an a-ha moment. If you are visualizing what I tried to explain, you'll understand there are many bumps on this spiral, and on each course it takes less time to reach the next a-ha moment. Say, a year on the outer edge, and toward the center only weeks, or even days. You repeat the same realizations, sooner each time, until you get it.

At least, I've noticed that pattern in my own life. How does that fit with how you see your growth?

{ 7 comments... read them below or Comment }

  1. Oh, I don't know how to measure my own growth. I don't bother anymore. It will usually make itself apparent at some point, and if it doesn't, well, I just trust there's been some.

    I try to reflect on things at this time of year. Normally, right around my birthday, the year comes crashing back into me. I see failures more clearly than successes, but I think that's true for a lot of us. When someone points the successes out, I'm able to see those too, and they weigh more than the failures in general.

    If I find that path to the center, I'll take it, for certain. But for me, the trip is around the spiral, never quite able to find that shortcut.

    And I guess that's okay.

  2. Of course you can ramble darling!

    That spiral thing is an interesting notion. I don't think I've ever thought of it that way before, but I do believe life is composed of lots of little aha moments strung together. I also believe some people never really have aha moments. They're just blank. Me, I'd rather have the aha's, whether in cycles or randomly. At least I can say I'm growing!

  3. @Fal--That's how I feel about it. This way of thinking about growth helps me realize when those bumps come, I've been there before and I'll be there again. Especially when they start coming close together, I know I'm getting close to integration.

    @Knyt--I've seen a lot of growth in you over the past year. Don't you?

  4. I'm too tired to explain my philosophy of life (!), but it has something to do with lots of lines going in different directions, sometimes connecting and traveling the same way for a while...

    I worry that if I say I had a great year, life will come up behind me and knock me flat. I don't know if I've grown, but I'm generally happy and am looking forward to what is next--a really big binder of a mess o' words.

  5. Yeah, don't jinx yourself. :) Good to know you're seems to me you've been projecting more happiness through your posts lately.

    I'd love to hear your philosophy of life someday.

  6. The spiral image has been one of my favorites for a long time. Starhawk wrote a book called The Spiral Dance which is very Califronia woo-woo about Goddess stuff, but the image at the core is sound, and Carl Jung wrote about the spiral as well. Here's a fun link that explores it further:
    This was a hard year, indeed, but lots of growth, too. And I got to read your blog!

  7. @Sher: In some things. It depends on how obvious it is. In other areas, I'm as immature as ever. :)


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