Posted by : Sherri Cornelius Friday, December 18, 2009
You who follow me on Facebook probably saw my distressing tree situation yesterday. My neighbor's son-in-law approved the removal of a tree on my side of the property line. I stopped it, but after consultation with the tree guys and pressure from the son-in-law, I caved and let them cut it down. I didn't go down easy, but at the time it felt like the only thing I could do. The tree was causing my neighbor electrical problems and cutting to eliminate them would have mangled it. When I gave the go-ahead I cried in front of all those guys and for an hour after I came back in. I felt powerless, coerced into approving the removal of the tree, and it rankles that I gave in even if it was the right thing to do. I'll never know if it was or not. It never occurred to me that I could have asked the tree guys to come back after I'd spoken with my actual neighbor, rather than her son-in-law. I doubt she even knew what he was doing.
The whole situation has solidified a new perspective which has been growing inside me for a couple of years. I used to have trouble believing that someone could willingly and knowingly take advantage of me. I assumed any slight or imposition was a careless mistake, or just a misunderstanding. Everything I've gone through has taught me that is a wrong assumption, thanks to this event, I can finally see it. I'm tired of giving people the benefit of the doubt. I'm tired of letting people be mean to me, just because I may be interpreting their motives incorrectly, or, worse still, because I somehow think I deserve it. I'm tired of being pushed aside, ignored, bulldozed, scorned. I'm tired of being tossed in the wake of other people's desires.
Meet the new Sherri. She is angry. Don't fuck with her.