Posted by : Sherri Cornelius Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Technically it's just barely New Year's Eve. One of those nights I wish I could sleep but I can't. Stayed up till midnight because I recognized the hum in my forebrain, but even then I wasn't sleepy enough so I got up again. Seems like 2 a.m. is the time to shoot for on these nights, and what better time to do my year-end retrospective?

Even though everybody else is reflecting enough to outshine me, I feel the need to add my reflections on the twenty-aughts. Looking over the past decade, it's hard to attach a single word or phrase which will sum it up. I mean, a decade is freakin' forever. When the decade began, my first child was still in diapers, I'd just had the dream which would inspire my first novel, and I bought my very first computer. I had somehow gotten myself a job as a columnist with a large local newspaper and had won 1st honorable mention in a major Oklahoma writing contest. I was living in the country and working in a factory and thinking I'd be better off raising my daughter alone. I was prettier than I thought, with a pixie hair cut and a relatively good figure, but unfortunately just as trapped as I felt. That was fairly early in the most tumultuous period in my life, which only settled down less than two years ago. At least, I think I can call it settled now.

So what about 2009? It felt stagnant, even though I can point to dramatic events from the past year, most likely because of the maddening lack of writing-related business till about September. I think I probably needed a break, but I'm compulsively forward-moving, so sometimes Nature has to force the breaks upon me, at which point I wail and stamp my feet at the unfairness. I learned a lot of stuff in 2009, and thank goodness; a year in which I didn't learn something about the world would be a failure, indeed. This year I learned

  • how to be an editor, sorta, and how to write again;

  • I can't keep my loved ones from making mistakes, and actually, the mistakes weren't mine to prevent in the first place;

  • how to trust my intuition, and how to differentiate a gut feeling from a gas bubble;

  • and finally, that I will probably never be comfortable in this world, and knowing that makes me more comfortable.

Also, this is as good a time as any to announce that I will be a step-grandmother in February. At first I kept the secret until my bonus daughter decided how she would handle her pregnancy, seeing as how she's a senior in high school, and then I kept it a secret because I needed my feelings about the situation to settle. Now that I have, I'm proud to announce that we will welcome a baby boy to brighten the bleakest month of the year. I'm trying to think of what the baby will call me. I'm too young to be called grandma! I thought Gary would be funny. You know, Grandma + Sherri = Gary. If I spelled it Gerri everybody would say Jerry. Unfortunately, Z didn't think it was as funny as I did. How about just Mimi?

So tonight we'll make some glitter crowns out of card stock and Maggie Rose will fall asleep on the couch while we all wait for the ball to drop, and at twelve oh one we'll drop into bed. Happy New Year, everybody. Best one yet.

{ 6 comments... read them below or Comment }

  1. Happy New Year. I hope it's a good one ... for a change. :) Congrats too; big news indeed. :)

  2. Yes, for a change! lol Thanks.

  3. No one could outshine you dolly, no one.

    It may have seemed stagnant this year - I know in some ways I can relate to that feeling too - but I bet in years to come you'll be able to look back on this one and find the growth, the progress.

    As for the granny thing - I bet you'll be great at it. You'll think of something for this bonus grandson to call you - or he'll think of something when he's about 2ish. Mimi, Nonny, Berri ... you know, "B"onus+Sh"erri." Okay, that's a stretch, but you'll come up with something. :)

    I'll never be comfortable here either, but you know, glitter crowns are fun. :D

    Wishing you a wonderful and fulfilling new year lil sis. Love you lots! *hugs*

  4. I love this blog post Sherri- thanks for being so honest and reflective. I love the part about not being comfortable in this world- and being ok with it. That's something I needed to hear. Also the part about being "compulsively forward moving." I am this way too- it works both for me, and against me: something to grapple with in this new year. Onward! :)

  5. I like Berri. That's cute.

    Also, I must report that Maggie Rose made it to the ball drop. *hugs back*

  6. Onward, indeed! In 2010 I hope to learn when to persevere and when to let go.


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