I've been thinking a lot about mistakes. Mistakes I've made and mistakes others have made with me. I forgive others' mistakes a lot easier than I forgive my own. I think a lot of us are that way, but one mistake I make over and over is believing that everyone is that way.
But that's not really the point. This isn't a woe-is-me post, nor a heavy reflection of my inner workings. It's just a fact: I don't give up on people, ever, except for myself. Embarrassment makes me back off. I go through a strange cycle of introversion and extroversion. Some days, when confronted with a new opportunity, I say, "What have I got to lose?" and dive in, head first. Sometimes I belly flop and come up laughing. Sometimes I go in without a splash. During my extrovert times, those are the two normal outcomes.
But then something changes. I'm diving in, having a wonderful time, and something will happen that I can't laugh off. Usually it has to do with me saying the wrong thing, some sheer dumb utterance that I can't take back, and it freezes me up. And I'll stay that way a while, frozen on the outside, burning on the inside, flogging myself, "Stupid, stupid stupid," until I get a little unexpected success that flips the switch the other way.
I said this wouldn't be a reflective post, didn't I? Sorry.
If I have a point in this rambling post, it's this: I don't want to let my mistakes shame me into quitting anymore.
I just threw my hat in the freelance writer ring, putting a profile on oDesk, and even answering my first interview request. (Haven't had the interview yet, though.) I'm bound to make a lot of mistakes, as I've never done this kind of thing before.
Thing is, I know I'm smart enough to do it. I'm an extremely hard worker. I have the skills necessary, and I want to put them to use. I have to allow myself the mistakes I will certainly make, and continue on, because I am at heart a very tenacious person when the knee-jerk embarrassment is not a factor. Stupidly tenacious, at times.
Maybe I'm finally ready to try freelancing because my need of a new laptop outweighs my fear this time. Wish me luck!
Monday, March 9, 2009
You go girl.
ReplyDeleteGood luck, Sherri! I think those cycles of intro/extro are pretty common for most people. But I do wonder why we flog ourselves so for just being human.
ReplyDeleteMistakes are just steps on the stairs to success. :)
ReplyDeleteYou'll be just fine, mistakes included. Good luck!
Even Superman had his Kryptonite... it's only natural that Super Chipper Girl would have something dastardly to trip her up as well.
ReplyDeleteI'm kind of the same way - a salesperson who has a horrible fear of rejection. Even when I *know* someone is going to buy something from me I'm hesitant to call because I don't know what the outcome is. I'll get on a roll with successes and then be plagued by a few weeks of failures.
I'm proud of you for not letting fear of the unknown keep you from something you want. Maybe that laptop is just the carrot you need to get yourself motivated.
Good luck! ~k
Well, that auspicious "first interview" was with a phisher, so...won't be working there. Luckily my red flags went up, and then Ian was there to confirm my suspicions, so everything is still A-OK. I'll get back on there tomorrow. I'm a little deflated, if I'm being honest.
ReplyDeleteThough I dodged getting phished, my husband downloaded a malware from a bootleg movie site, so I'm up late fixing that. *eyeroll*
WIshing you loads of luck with a heaping dash of good fortune and a generous sprinkle of happy coincidences.
ReplyDelete