Posted by : Sherri Cornelius Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Daughter #2 insisted on riding the bus to her first full day of school. I tried to talk her out of it. Not for her, for me! So many reasons I should've taken her to school on her first day of kindergarten:

  1. She can't remember her teacher's name. She will wander the lonesome halls, crying and calling for me, until someone notices, but by that time it will be far too late. Post-traumatic stress disorder.

  2. I will not know if she made it safely to her classroom until she gets off the bus this afternoon. (Oh God, what if she doesn't get off the bus this afternoon???!!! *faints*)

  3. She should NEED ME more than that, damn  it!

  4. I'll look like a bad mom if I don't usher her to her room and set her at ease.

  5. I couldn't take DS when he started because we didn't have a car at the time, so I need to make up for that failure.

  6. Is this starting to sound like grasping for straws?

The truth is, none of these are real concerns. And here's why:

  1. I wrote her teacher's name nice and big on a piece of paper and put it in the mesh pocket on her backpack where it can be read from halfway down the hall. Also made her repeat her teacher's name and directions to the classroom about 50 times.

  2. She's in the same school, just a different classroom. They know her. They will put her on the bus just like they did the previous two kids when it was their first day.

  3. I don't want to ruin her sense of adventure with my smothering.

  4. Will I look like a bad mom? I'm probably overthinking this one.

  5. DS came home fine on his first bus ride. He was just as excited about riding the bus as DD#2 is. No failure there.

  6. I'm grasping because there's really no good reason!

I can't believe how calm she was about the whole thing. The older two are old pros, so they were fine. I guess it's easier being the baby of the family, because she has a big bro and sis whom she trusts completely to keep her safe. They were all sitting in the same seat, right up front, Maggie near the window so she could see all the landmarks as the kids pointed them out. I think they enjoy looking at the dump the most.

I think back to DD#1's first day and the look on her face as she realized I was leaving her in that classroom with strangers. She didn't cry, she was so brave, but I barely held the tears till I hit the door.  When DS took the bus to school that first day, I was a wreck, but I was able to hide it pretty well. At least I had somebody left at home to keep me occupied. This morning I caught myself trying to talk DD#2 out of riding the bus, then I realized I was doing it for my own comfort. She's the last one. She will be fine. But will I?

They should be getting to school about now. My first cup of coffee is almost gone, and my first day as a full-time writer stretches out before me. Doesn't seem so exciting and wonderful now that I'm faced with it.  It's quiet in here, people. I feel disconnected. This doesn't bode well for my time management plans--I think I may be online more than I'd planned. But isn't that why I set my schedule daily? There will be a period of adjustment. I must be easy on myself today. I forgot how hard it is to let a tiny child go out into the world without me.

{ 9 comments... read them below or Comment }

  1. Aww! You poor thing. This post made me tear up a little. LOL

    Id probably freak out too, if I were in your shoes. I hate it when things change. But it happens and we adapt and carry on.

    Kid will be home soon, and likely talking up a storm about all the cool new things she saw and all the nice kids she played with.


  2. Wow, this was pretty powerful, Sher. I know how you feel and I haven't had to do it! ;)

    It IS a scary thing for a parent to let go. Our jobs are to work ourselves out of a job by teaching our kids how to be responsible, independent people, and yet, we ache when they take the very steps we've been teaching them to make. We work ourselves out of a job in a form of personal tragedy, one heart-rending moment at a time, one tear-inducing stab to the heart at a time, one proud smile drenched in tears at a time. Happy and sad, a bittersweet mix of joy and sorrow as they take the wings we've tried to give them and fly -- away from us.

    Well spoken, well thought.

  3. I'm doing all right, guys. I'm restless and all, but my common sense is kicking in. If something had gone wrong, I'd have already gotten the call from the school, so now I'm just thinking about how they're all doing. Is everybody being nice to them? Did DD#2 get the best friend in her class? Did that bully pick up where he left off with DS? Which boy will DD#1 like this year?

    I'm even getting some work done. Thanks for being with me. :)

  4. My son wouldn't dream of going by himself on a bus. He starts 1st grade this year and he would not agree to be dropped off in front of the school--like a hundred other kids. I had to walk him to his classroom all through K. And then he wouldn't let me go. Eery single day.

    Of course, he was fine and happy seconds after I left. There is no right answer to these things.

  5. That might have something to do with not having siblings. In my house, each child sees what the older kid is doing, and wants to imitate. I'm certain that's why Maggie is so cavalier about it. I certainly wasn't when I was a kid.

    Yay, 1st grade!

  6. You did well mommy. She had a good day, a nice party, and is looking forward to tomorrow. Job well done, I say. :)

  7. Sherri, this is wonderful. Just wonderful. I could go on for days about how special this posting is from a mother, teacher, and writer's viewpoint. I absolutely love it. Great job!

  8. Thank you, dear Fal. You're sweet. :)

  9. What a nice thing to say! Looks like we all survived. Thank you for commenting. :)


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