Posted by : Sherri Cornelius Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Daughter #2 insisted on riding the bus to her first full day of school. I tried to talk her out of it. Not for her, for me! So many reasons I should've taken her to school on her first day of kindergarten:
- She can't remember her teacher's name. She will wander the lonesome halls, crying and calling for me, until someone notices, but by that time it will be far too late. Post-traumatic stress disorder.
- I will not know if she made it safely to her classroom until she gets off the bus this afternoon. (Oh God, what if she doesn't get off the bus this afternoon???!!! *faints*)
- She should NEED ME more than that, damn it!
- I'll look like a bad mom if I don't usher her to her room and set her at ease.
- I couldn't take DS when he started because we didn't have a car at the time, so I need to make up for that failure.
- Is this starting to sound like grasping for straws?
The truth is, none of these are real concerns. And here's why:
- I wrote her teacher's name nice and big on a piece of paper and put it in the mesh pocket on her backpack where it can be read from halfway down the hall. Also made her repeat her teacher's name and directions to the classroom about 50 times.
- She's in the same school, just a different classroom. They know her. They will put her on the bus just like they did the previous two kids when it was their first day.
- I don't want to ruin her sense of adventure with my smothering.
- Will I look like a bad mom? I'm probably overthinking this one.
- DS came home fine on his first bus ride. He was just as excited about riding the bus as DD#2 is. No failure there.
- I'm grasping because there's really no good reason!
I can't believe how calm she was about the whole thing. The older two are old pros, so they were fine. I guess it's easier being the baby of the family, because she has a big bro and sis whom she trusts completely to keep her safe. They were all sitting in the same seat, right up front, Maggie near the window so she could see all the landmarks as the kids pointed them out. I think they enjoy looking at the dump the most.
I think back to DD#1's first day and the look on her face as she realized I was leaving her in that classroom with strangers. She didn't cry, she was so brave, but I barely held the tears till I hit the door. When DS took the bus to school that first day, I was a wreck, but I was able to hide it pretty well. At least I had somebody left at home to keep me occupied. This morning I caught myself trying to talk DD#2 out of riding the bus, then I realized I was doing it for my own comfort. She's the last one. She will be fine. But will I?
They should be getting to school about now. My first cup of coffee is almost gone, and my first day as a full-time writer stretches out before me. Doesn't seem so exciting and wonderful now that I'm faced with it. It's quiet in here, people. I feel disconnected. This doesn't bode well for my time management plans--I think I may be online more than I'd planned. But isn't that why I set my schedule daily? There will be a period of adjustment. I must be easy on myself today. I forgot how hard it is to let a tiny child go out into the world without me.